Conflict of Interests

Please forgive me; this one is going to be a bit of free form with a lot of loose ends.

Over the past few months I have often pondered a question posed by an agnostic co-worker: Why do innocent people suffer? For example, why must children and "good" people die in earthquakes?

I believe I can give a fairly theologically correct answer to this question that will satisfy my head, but at times the answer doesn't satisfy my heart and I worry that it wouldn't satisfy either my co-worker's head or heart.

Of course, there is also the problem that the question she poses is a flawed question. Who really is innocent? Who is "good"?

This morning, I walked up on a group of students and one of the girls was crying. I stopped by to see what was the matter. Two of her friends were consoling her. I found out from the prefect (school monitor), that the girl had teased another girl about being short and chubby. A teacher busted her for this and scolded the girl for teasing the girl. Thus, the offender/scolded girl was crying. How innocent are children? I see plenty of behavior that is not "good" from young children every day.

I don't know when the corruption bears its fruit, but the truth is we are all prone to choose bad over good. I know my flesh will always opt for the comfortable, selfish choice. Even if my flesh doesn't something seemingly good that benefits another, it is because I expect benefit also. My flesh will choose sin.

Maybe your flesh is better than mine. I mean, I do see some pretty "good" people out there. But honestly, your flesh is probably prone to sin also. I would bet on it. I've seen a lot of people and I gotta think I am taking the safe money on that bet.

Now back an earlier point: when the corruption bears its fruit. I've got a 5 year-old-girl that is got a bend toward evil you wouldn't believe, so it's gotta be earlier than five. But maybe it's after 2; that seems innocent enough, right?

Yesterday, a different agnostic co-worker's son was badly injured and is now in the hospital. He is almost 2, so he should be innocent, right? So we go back to the first two questions in this post: why did this happen or why did it have to happen? I don't have the answer to that. All I know is that, because deep within my flesh God put a little compassion and because of Christ, I received the Holy Spirit which gave me a little more compassion, I hurt for my co-worker and her son. Despite my sinful flesh, I suffer with another in their tragedy. That compassion urges me to help, to be selfless, rather than selfish.

So I was outraged when our employer demanded that my co-worker come to work today while her young son was in the hospital recovering from his injury. I was further outraged to hear the way the principal treated her in such a difficult time. And I was further outraged when after making my co-worker feel like crap, she tossed out something like don't forget to pray. Pardon me, but what the hell?!

This is exactly many reasonable people don't want to become Christians. Why would my co-worker want to open her heart to Christ when one of His ambassadors slapped her in the face in a time of need?

I have carefully tried to reach out to this co-worker several times. By God's grace and His Spirit suppressing my flesh, I felt like some progress had been made in bringing her closer to Christ. But now, that has been trampled upon by a supposed Christian who acted out of flesh rather than Spirit. And I know it is the case, because I felt it when the co-worker told me what our principal said.

I want to take the principal to task. I want to reel off Scripture and tear her a new one, but I know it is probably not right (Although, if you look at Christ's life, he did criticize people- hypocrites). But I know my flesh. I know how easy it is for me to fall. And how hard it is yield to the Spirit. I doubt I could do it in a Christ-like manner. I am frustrated.

I think about all this and I have a Job moment. I want to tell God that in some ways, I feel like His plan is probably the worst plan in the history of plans. Why on earth would you allow sinful people be in charge of dispensing your plan to others? You know we are going to mess it up. We aren't qualified. Sure, I know that leaves the way for it to be God doing it, not us, but at some point we have to be working in tandem with God, right? Yes, God made things happen for Jonah to go to Nineveh, but He didn't force the sermon out of Jonah's mouth. Jonah had to put his sinful nature aside, so he could share God's message. Well, that ain't always easy. So why did God do it this way?

So I am left to hope that there is hope. I have to hope that God can heal my co-worker's son. I have to hope that God will find a way to reach out to my two agnostic co-workers. I have to hope that my principal doesn't tarnish Christ's name. I have to hope the Spirit will control me instead of my flesh. I have to hope that I don't tarnish His Name either. I have to hope God knows what He is doing.

And on days like today, that hope feels farther away than I would like.